i'll always take the harder road ~ Haruka

[HARUKA]

Haruka

Age: 793

Gender: Female

Orientation: Heterosexual

Race: Dragon

Occupation: Mercenary

Looks Aren't Everything

Birthmark(s): N/A

Scar(s): A thin claw-scar runs from below the bottom left corner of her mouth, up her jawline and stops near her left ear.

Appearance:
Haruka is, basically, a dragon. Think long, big and blue, and you've got her down. Haruka's long body can twist and wind in shape, much like a snake, though her bones are large and heavy. Naturally, for a dragon. Her legs, although she is able to use them to walk, look small compared to the length of her body. You might judge her size by first knowing that she is NOT the size of Ryukotsusei. She's smaller, and not as bulky, though still big enough to fit a human, and most demons, in her mouth-which is lined with a great many large and quite pointy fangs. Her large hands and are able to grasp most creatures in them as well.

Haruka's eyes are a deep sea-green, as are some more of her scales around her underbelly, face and feet. Her scales are sky-blue in coloration and hard as stone, a fitting armor. And she has a blackish-blue mane. This mane goes from her head, down her back and ends in a long black tuft on her tail. More blackish-blue hair sprouts from her elbows, knees, and chin. She also has horns and long whiskers, both a lighter shade of blue than her main body. The two slightly-curvy horns sprout from the top back part of her head, behind her big pointy ears. Now for Haruka's four whiskers, one starting around her nose on each side of her head. The two others are one on each side of her chin, starting at the base of her jaw.

What's Beneath the Skin

Personality:
Haruka is sadistic and arrogant. Her arrogance might lead her to underestimate an opponent in battle. This, as one could imagine, could turn out badly. This serpent also loves to watch pain and suffering. She's got a sort of pleasure in watching it or being a cause of it. It's fun. She's also work-oriented and impatient. She likes things to be done as quickly as possible to just get them over with, as she usually anticipates the future. The present is usually swiftly-lived and the things to come are awaited with a great amount of either eagerness or apprehension- depending on what's to be expected, whether bad or good.

She also has a nasty temper and hates being insulted, to almost any and all degrees, and get quite violent if it continues. There are no second-chances with her. Also, first-impressions are key. If Haruka doesn't like you from the beginning, don't expect to warm up to you in the future. She's intelligent, and has a good memory. If you've wronged her- or if she at least thinks you've wronged her- don't expect her to forget. She will remember it until the day either she dies or you die. Simple. Haruka usually tries to be punctual. If there is a promised time of anything, she will do her very best to be there. She doesn't like to miss anything important. She's also a bit worried because her vision recently started to get worse. She's worried that she'll go completely blind.

About the warlords. Haruka is annoyed by them, but generally doesn't care as long as they stay out of her way. Like, she doesn't want to openly appose them as long as her life remains simple and untouched enough where she can live it at least semi-peacefully. At this point, she's just trying to get her sister back.

Strengths:

• Bravery: Haruka is mildly brave, yes. But so many people get the wrong ideas about this trait. Bravery is not being unafraid of something that's worth fearing or that someone else fears. Being unafraid of something worth fearing is just foolish. But, bravery is where you do something despite being afraid. Now remember, I said she's mildly brave. This doesn't mean she'll face her most horrid fears, simply that she may skirt around them or squish the occasional scorpion... if it's small enough.
  
• Skill: She has quite good fighting skills. Not to the standards of some older, more experienced dragons, but it's nothing to sneeze at. Her fighting style isn't very graceful, though. It's more cunning and... explosive. She lets out a ballistic barrage of attacks with a cunning plan behind it. Ware down your enemy, and don't give them a chance to attack. Unfortunately, this strategy doesn't always work. Which then, she'll probably try something else, like a planned and more focused and decisive assault.
  
• Hard-Working: She's not lazy, mostly from the result of her great stubborness. She just DOESN'T like doing what other's like her to do, so she'll go the other direction and go through a great deal of trouble to directly counter what they want, if they annoy her enough. This had made her hard-working, and she's very good at exercising.

Weaknesses:

• Impatience: She's very impatient. Haruka hates to say too much at one time, repeat what she says, or wait for others to do something when she knows she could do it faster. She hates waiting, in anything. If she has to repeat anything, she will get frustrated, gripey and unhappy. If she has to walk behind someone, and they are walking too slow for her tastes, then she might push them into the mud and step over them. Clear and simple. She hates standing still, too. She can do it, it just takes effort. Eh, maybe she has ADHD.
  
• Pain Resistance: Her pain resistance sucks, simply put. When she get's hit by an attack, or just hits something, and it causes any amount of pain, it pisses her off and makes her lose focus of the situation, usually only focusing on the thing that caused her pain and... trying to eliminate it. Great pain can actually incapacitate her.
  
• Clumsiness: Haruka is pretty clumsy, often tripping over things that shouldn't trip her or running into things that should be easily avoided. This usually causes pain... and we all know what pain does to her.
  
• Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP): So far it hasn't affected her drastically. Her night vision basically sucks to the standard of a human's now and her peripheral vision is worsening drastically. She recently developed this and is still learning how to cope, but it is a slow and sure decline. Eventually she will either have horrible eyesight or she will be completely blind.

Fears:

• Sinophobia- Yes, Haruka get's freaked out by the Chinese and their culture. It's weird, foreign and totally unheard of where she grew up. Need I say more? She usually just stares, glares, or is plenty quiet around things like this. Though if there is enough Chinese culture or people in one area, she will promptly remove herself from said area, usually in a rushed hurry.
  
• Arachnophobia - See, Haruka isn't afraid of all arachnids, just specific ones. Like spiders, they are fine. Leave them be or squish them flat, that's her motto. But then again... scorpions are arachnids too. Yes, she has an almost wholly crippling fear of scorpions. They are creepy, crawling, poisonous, ugly, and very unpleasant. Yes, this also can stem from her fear of the Chinese, since scorpions are not native to Japan. And, one of the common reactions she has is walking swiftly away while sending zaps in the general direction of this particular arachnid.
  
• Dementophobia- Oh yes, a healthy fear of insanity. She's afraid of becoming insane herself. She sometimes thinks that because of her hectic, stressful life- not to mention the turbulent times she lives in- might make her quite nuts. She really doesn't want to be crazy, as she rather values her ability to think clearly on a rational level. This is the fear that keeps her awake at night, thinking about it. Yes, many long nights and many tired mornings. When around insane people, it makes her uncomfortable. They make her think about becoming crazed herself. If they are total wild-crazy then really expect her to either scream at them, kill them or just plain run.

Being a Part of Me

Items:
N/A

Weapons:

• Lightning Powers: Haruka is greatly skilled in the lightning arts. She uses it to her advantage.
  
• Fangs: Again, she's a dragon, she's gonna have fangs.
  
• Dragon Claws :: Yes, Haruka is a dragon, so of course she has claws. Her dragon claws are actually just a bit curved. She just uses them to claw, which can be quite painful. Her static abilities can also aid her claws in, well, clawing.

Abilities:

• Static -- Well, because of Haruka's abilities with lightning, most parts of her body maintain minute electrical properties. Basically, touch her when she doesn't want it or isn't expecting it, and expect to get shocked. It's usually no more than the power of a regular static shock, though. Mildly irritating, surprising and minutely painful. This usually doesn't maintain itself when she is especially drained. Haruka can control it if she concentrates and even send out short bursts of electricity in small waves, so it doesn't work if she doesn't want it to.
  
• Flight -- She's a dragon, so she can fly for long distances and at great heights and speeds. Doing this takes energy. She likes to do it though, it's fun. And it's easier to descend upon unsuspecting victims this way.
  
• Bakuhatsu Kosen -- Another technique she can only use. This is a great blast of lightning that she can release from her mouth, and it usually obliterates anything in it's path. Again, it's strength varies with the amount of energy she has at the time of use. It can destroy or injure most foes at the height of it's power.
  
  Flaws:
  
• Energy Strain - Most of Haruka's attacks take a great deal of energy to work, and she can't use them too often without depleting a good amount of her energy.
  
• Youth - Haruka is still young... compared to some other great dragons. So as such, she has less experience and power than what she would gain with more age. She's not child-young but still pretty young.
  
• Size - She is quite large, so as one could imagine it's also quite hard for her to hide or go through a countryside unnoticed. Although, there are some ways... just not a lot and they sure as hell aren't easy.
  

From Whence I Came

Family:

• Takahiro -- Grandfather -- Dragon -- 3,654 Years Old
  
• Masaru -- Father -- Dragon -- Deceased
  
• Yuzuki -- Mother -- Dragon -- Deceased
  
• Izumi -- Younger Sister -- Dragon -- 423 Years/Sealed

History:
In progress

How You Play

RP Sample:

__________________________________________

How Did You Find Us? Ad on Before Sunrise

How Long Have You Been Role Playing? 11 Months

[RIN]

Alright, you know me, Daci. I’m not trying to be mean if that’s how I sound, I’m just giving you a critique so you can be a better writer, and so you can make a good, well rounded character. This being written before I even look at your app, and I’m not going to edit when I finish, so I’m not saying your character is bad. This is a ‘just in case’ statement.

Just straight off, I’d like to point out that dragons are not demons. They are a race completely separate. You can be a dragon, that’s fine, they did exist, but it’s not a demon. You could choose something akin to dragons if you want to be a demon, like a giant sea serpent or something, or you could be just a dragon. But dragons aren’t demons. Dragons, as they are not demons, also wouldn’t have a human form. If you choose to remain a dragon, you’ll have to redo a lot, considering the lack of a human form being necessary. However, I’m still going to completely critique your app, as you could choose to make a demon rather than a dragon, and you did spend time on this.
Looks Aren’t Everything

• First off, you can’t have big huge bones and not be a good bit bulky, and you can’t be willowy at all with big bones. Big bones are big bones, there’s no working around that. It’s okay to have a character that isn’t gorgeous or physically perfect, mmkay?
  
• You don’t need to tell me her face is tanned just like her body, because unless she’s walked around with a bag on her head, it’s natural for me to assume her face is the same tone as her body.
  
• You’ve told me her hair color twice, and you’ve already gone into a lot of detail on scars in the scars section, so at this point you’re just repeating yourself, which is both unnecessary, and pretty much just filler wording.
  
• Something can’t be long, but yet not long. Do you understand?
  
• Again, tall but not super tall? That’s just excessive wording.
  
• That’s the second time you’ve talked about her big bones being big because she’s a dragon. How come she can’t just be big boned? Why does she need a reason? And why are you repeating yourself?
  
• LOOK LADY, SHE’S BIG. e_e I’m sorry, but she’s big. You keep telling me she’s got these huge bones, and huge feet, but then you stress how she’s not fat and she’s not a stick figure and wtf? And hello, you’ve got big bones, you tend to waste more energy, you eat more, you have skin and meat to cover those big bones. Common sense.
  
• I think I know she’s a dragon, you’ve mentioned it a lot so far.
  
• That last sentence looks like you just threw it in.
  
• Over all, this is really choppy and a lot of it is unnecessary filler. I’d like you to read through this whole thing, out loud, and fix it up.

What’s Beneath the Skin

• Just saying, because it bugs me, but for someone who’s almost eight hundred, she kind of sounds like a teenage brat. There’s arrogance, and then there’s teenage stupidity.
  
• ”Is this wise? Two words to that, WHO CARES?!” … :/ that’s really not how someone as old as her should be acting. If you want her to be so wild, make her a bit younger, or something. As is, her behavior is unacceptable for a dragon of her age.
  
• Why are you comparing a dragon to a human? I’d sure as hell hope that she’s more brave than a normal human.
  
• Her feelings towards the warlords are rather immature. I’d expect a dragon of her age to be more mature, rather indifferent to them in general. I certainly wouldn’t recommend her voicing such feelings, as you’ll find her dead in a matter of minutes.
  
• Again, this is really choppy and random, and it doesn’t flow at all. Read this out loud to yourself, and fix it up.
  
• Her weaknesses don’t seem like real weaknesses. They aren’t strengths, but they aren’t weaknesses. Give her something real.
  
• Uh uh, you can’t say she’s afraid of something, and then say she isn’t. That’s the first sign of a sue.
  
• Weariness is being tired…But I know what you meant to type, and I’m telling you again, that’s not being afraid, and you can’t do that.

Being a Part of Me

• What the heck is a mid low high daiyoukai? That makes no sense.
  
• I’d like it if you could amp up her flaws a bit, it feels like they’re severely lacking, considering how intense her abilities are.

From Whence I Came

• I’m sorry, but it bothers me that everyone is a Daiyoukai in her family. Not even the canons have anything like that. Daiyoukai isn’t something you’re born as. It’s something you attain.
  
• I’d like it if you’d expand on her lightning powers. Were they inherited? What are her parents powers? Where did her lightning control come from?
  
• Ok, you are going way too overboard with that parent hate. It’s just ridiculous. She sounds like the worst kind of brat. Hating music because you’re mother played you soothing songs while you were injured? I don’t think so. Hating your parents because they love you? That makes no sense, whatsoever.
  
• Wtf? Water is both useful and powerful. You just insulted every water based demon.
  
• Um, she SHOULD be grateful that they love her so much. She’s a brat. A big ol’ brat.
  
• Whoa, whoa, whoa, her father controls power. ALL power? That’s ridiculous and over the top.
  
• … Her one complaint for her parents being dead is that she won’t have anyone to gripe at. REALLY?
  
• Also, wtf is her entire family dead or sealed? I know I said an entire family of dragons living was unrealistic, but killing/getting rid of all but one member of the family is ALSO unrealistic.
  
• e_e It really pisses me off that you seem to assume she could take out the warlords. They’re the most powerful demons around. They’ve taken control of Japan. If she gets near them in a fight, she’s probably going to be toast.
  
• Once again, this is choppy and just…Read it, okay?

Alright. That’s it. This is a lot better than your last app, and I’m very proud of you. With a bit of work, this could be a really cool character.

[/size]

[HARUKA]

Okay, I think I have this pretty well done. I fixed the things you told me to and she's more realistic now(I hope). And about the things with the water and defeating warlords... this is her bio, not mine. I never said that I myself thought that. Her father and herself thought those things. Never the less, I removed them and I amped up the flaws and weaknesses and she no longer has a human form and I removed about half of her abilities, mostly because those were ones she couldn't use if she didn't have a human form. I also think I made the personality, appearance and history less choppy, placing certain traits in places that made sense and are less jumbled around.

Is it better now?

[RAKESH]

Okie dokie, here we go. First off, this has definitely gotten a lot better, but there's always room for improvement, so let's get to it xD

First off, her occupation no longer really makes sense with the whole "quest to free her sister" that she's got going on; keep in mind that it's perfectly okay to have an unemployed character, especially since she's a dragon.

Next, her appearance is still really...awkward. There are some choppy bits, the order of the description doesn't really flow, and there's a lot of repetition which is entirely unnecessary. I'd say go through and read it a few times and clean it up.

The personality also needs a bit of work on the flow; the ordering and wording can all use some fixing up to make it sound a lot better.

Finally, the history. The whole thing strikes me as... highly unrealistic. Somehow, I get the feeling that a family of dragons should just.... act more like dragons. Nature is unkind, and the whole idea of a loving family doesn't really exist in most species. Dragons would be very unlikely to be any different. Those parents would raise the child until it could fend for itself and then kick it out to make room for the next; that's how nature works. Heck, even humans get like that from time to time; dragons most certainly would. And there's almost no way the parents would abandon their still young child to look for an elder one who is perfectly capable of surviving on her own--again, that's just how nature works. Dragons may not be demons, but that doesn't make them any nicer than demons--in this universe, they are still vicious creatures, and a loving family does not fit into that. So, I'd still like to see a large portion of her history reworked before this gets my approval. Don't be afraid to have her parents be complete jerkfaces--that's perfectly acceptable. It would also probably make her personality make a whole lot more sense--because, as Marley said, she's still coming off as a brat.

Once all that's cleaned up and altered, this character has a lot of potential to be interesting, and I'll be glad to welcome her in ^^